The Wonderland Board

Arguably this could be put in the "Things that don't fit" topic, but this is too important to me to just drop it in there on its own, so...

Now then. Wonderland Forumers, I need your help. This forum might not really be the best place for me to get answers to a question like this, but I'm not in the mood to try and find a proper one at the moment (it's two in the morning sdfdsfsfdgd). Anyways.

To start off with, like I think I've said before, I'm pretty antisocial. I prefer peace, quiet, and solitude to being around crowds of people by a long shot. I'm shy, overly sensitive and rather cold as well. The reason for all this is because I got bullied through a majority of my school years, and no one I tried talking to did anything. My parents didn't understand what I was going through, the teachers... Well, even in retrospect, I still feel like the teachers didn't really care.

One of the reasons I don't talk to people much is because of my sensitivity - Whenever I want to say something, the first thing I do all the time is think "How would I feel if someone said this to me?"

See the problem? If it offends me - which is very, very easy - then I shy away from saying it instinctively. I can't really help it much, I'm too used to it.

Now then, here's the kicker. The reason I made this topic is...

... I want to get into online gaming again.

It might sound a bit silly, but let me explain.
The reason I'm going on about why I'm the way I am is simple - If I screw up due to being new at an online game (like a shooter or something), then I can live with that, but the reason I shy away from just starting up, say, Counter-Strike or Modern Warfare 2 and hopping into a server is because if someone on my team doesn't like it when I screw up, and is willing to vocalize it, then it's going to affect me far more than it should.

When it comes to me and insults, two things really get under my skin. Firstly, would be when something is directed at me personally from anyone. Secondly would be when someone I respect or have feelings for makes a jab or insult at a group I'm part of, even if they're not aware of my being in it.

The reason I used those two games as examples is because they're both generally known for not having a very... welcoming fanbase.

Basically - Does anyone here know any way at all I can get over my shyness and sensitivity when it comes to playing online? If no one has an answer, don't worry, I won't be angry or disappointed - I'm just posting this in hopes that someone around here knows a way around this or something along those lines.

Thanks guys.

There's three things I usually do if someone takes a jab at me or gets all angry at me for my poor playing.

1. Ignore the person.

This is what I do in most cases. I don't even know who the player actually is, therefore I don't consider what they say. It helps to remember that by no means does anyone get approval from 100% of the people around them. The worst that could possibly happen to you for poor playing is a ban, but that's only if the server admin(s) is/are stupid.

2. Take advantage of person's whinyness.

As you could guess, people who complain about video games are more susceptible to things like trolling. If someone complains about my playing style or whines about how their team is losing because of me, I retort with things that will make THEM feel stupid. "poor baby", "grow up", "are you really taking video games seriously?". Most of the time, it's safer to troll the person by using the chat; it will give you more time to think of a witty response if the person keeps fighting back. However, if you're confident in your abilities, you can use a microphone to help put mocking-ness(?) in your voice.

3. Switch teams and murder their face.

Chances are your poor playing resulted from a stupid mistake, so you could boost your skills back up and switch teams. The person will be very surprised at your Heel-Face Turn as you brutally pwn them. My favorite thing to do is to combine this with 2 for ultimate trolling, which usually results in SUPER WHINING from the person who originally jabbed at you.

Qloof gets bullied? You seem like a nice, mature person to me.

You probably trust the Wonderland Community.

I think when you get yelled at for playing badly you should:

1. Like MNIK said, ignore the person. Ignoring the person probably will work if you did something stupid once, but if he says something multiple times then you should...

2. Fight back. If the person that insulted you also made a mistake, you should say, "Oh yeah, well what did you do to help? Chances are, many times I've seen other people stick up to that, but trollers also stick up to the whiner.

3. If it gets too bad, go to a different server.

You should not, however...

1. NEVER AND I MEAN NEVER tell the server admin. This is the worst thing you can do, because a lot of times, the admins are really stupid. If they are, you will be the one insulted or even banned.

2. Don't cuss at the person. This could also result in a ban, or other people yelling at you even more. The best thing that this could result in is the person backing off, but the others won't be as nice to you because they are scared.

3. Threaten the person. "I'm gonna come to your house and hurt you" doesn't accomplish anything. They would either laugh, or pretend to take it seriously and give you a ban.

Hope these help!

EDIT- Yes, I play online gaming as well. Just wanted to let you know I have had some experience.

I'm not much of an online gamer, but I have also been bullied in my past school (now I'm in a much more welcoming one, it was an amazing change) so I know what you're talking about.

First of all, let me say this: if your poor play made the team lose, the team is more than justified in chewing you out for that mistake you made. So practice in single player first... or just play an "everyone fights for himself and only for himself" deathmatch game where your loss does not negatively affect others. Then no one can abuse their "justified position" to insult you.

As for insults, bullying and dealing with it... here's my experience:

1. Avoid confrontation with idiots if possible. In case of online gaming, try to find the "nice" servers that always exist. As a general rule, the older the players are, the less likely it is to stumble upon a troll. If you can do so, try to play with friends that you already know.

2. Have a prepared barrage of witty comebacks to all the most common (and most stupid) insults out there. Then if someone tries to get you, you rattle off that comeback quickly. Most bullies and trolls are not very creative, so the effect of a witty comeback can be shattering.

3. If the above doesn't work, ignore them. Completely. For a few minutes or so. Over the microphone people tend to devolve into incomprehensible angrish after a few "ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?!" phrases... try not to laugh at this point. By ignorance here I don't mean a one-word reply or something, I mean not replying at all. Silence.
3.5 For trolling fun, try to constantly reply with random nonsense. For this to work, you need to be very random, which is not easy, but can annoy greatly if pulled off correctly.
3.5.5 If talking over the microphone, try singing everything you say. For some reason it tends to drive people nuts.

4. Try to dominate the troll in terms of game skill. That takes lots of time and practice, but is by far the most satisfying way. It's also the fastest way to gain respect of others and make the troll lose said respect.
4.5 Try defeating them in humiliating ways whenever possible.

5. Feel free trying to combine all of the above with a real-time voice changer program. Yes, they exist. Can be used both for hilarity and for trolling.

6. If something was genuinely your fault, admit that fault as fast as possible in a way as humorous as possible, clowning your way out of trouble. Try to be genuinely funny and entertaining at this point. Good clowns are rarely attacked.

7. Lastly, try the philosophical approach that may or may not work -- life is too short for you to waste your time on feeling offended at random idiots -- who are they to rile you up so much, anyway?!

Qloof gets bullied? You seem like a nice, mature person to me.

hoomdoom, it's not that simple. In school, if you don't look ridiculously strong (then bullies don't want to risk it) and if you're at least a little bit unusual (reasons don't matter) someone WILL bully you. It can be just one person in the class, but one bully is already too much. And being way more mature than the rest of the class is one great way to stand out from the crowd...

Muzozavr wrote:hoomdoom, it's not that simple. In school, if you don't look ridiculously strong (then bullies don't want to risk it) and if you're at least a little bit unusual (reasons don't matter) someone WILL bully you. It can be just one person in the class, but one bully is already too much. And being way more mature than the rest of the class is one great way to stand out from the crowd...

I know, but at my school there are pretty much no bullies anymore, and people always treat the nice and funny people like they should. As for me, I am weird as well, and while it can get annoying at times, I usually throw a joke in there to make people laugh hysterically. There are some very strong, athletic people at my school who have the potential to be bullies but aren't because they know they will get in trouble.

hoomdoom wrote:

Muzozavr wrote:hoomdoom, it's not that simple. In school, if you don't look ridiculously strong (then bullies don't want to risk it) and if you're at least a little bit unusual (reasons don't matter) someone WILL bully you. It can be just one person in the class, but one bully is already too much. And being way more mature than the rest of the class is one great way to stand out from the crowd...

I know, but at my school there are pretty much no bullies anymore, and people always treat the nice and funny people like they should. As for me, I am weird as well, and while it can get annoying at times, I usually throw a joke in there to make people laugh hysterically. There are some very strong, athletic people at my school who have the potential to be bullies but aren't because they know they will get in trouble.

That means you've got a way better class than most. You're lucky.

Did I ever mention that I love you all?

Anyways.

MyNameIsKooky wrote:1. Ignore the person.

This is what I do in most cases. I don't even know who the player actually is, therefore I don't consider what they say. It helps to remember that by no means does anyone get approval from 100% of the people around them. The worst that could possibly happen to you for poor playing is a ban, but that's only if the server admin(s) is/are stupid.

hoomdoom wrote:1. Like MNIK said, ignore the person. Ignoring the person probably will work if you did something stupid once, but if he says something multiple times then you should...

Muzozavr wrote:3. If the above doesn't work, ignore them. Completely. For a few minutes or so. Over the microphone people tend to devolve into incomprehensible angrish after a few "ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?!" phrases... try not to laugh at this point. By ignorance here I don't mean a one-word reply or something, I mean not replying at all. Silence.

I guess the thing I have trouble with when it comes to just ignoring insults is just because of my sensitivity. I'm relatively good at hiding my feelings, but in all likelihood it'd still offend me. Going to keep this in mind though, thanks guys.

MyNameIsKooky wrote:2. Take advantage of person's whinyness.

As you could guess, people who complain about video games are more susceptible to things like trolling. If someone complains about my playing style or whines about how their team is losing because of me, I retort with things that will make THEM feel stupid. "poor baby", "grow up", "are you really taking video games seriously?". Most of the time, it's safer to troll the person by using the chat; it will give you more time to think of a witty response if the person keeps fighting back. However, if you're confident in your abilities, you can use a microphone to help put mocking-ness(?) in your voice.

hoomdoom wrote:2. Fight back. If the person that insulted you also made a mistake, you should say, "Oh yeah, well what did you do to help? Chances are, many times I've seen other people stick up to that, but trollers also stick up to the whiner.

Muzozavr wrote:2. Have a prepared barrage of witty comebacks to all the most common (and most stupid) insults out there. Then if someone tries to get you, you rattle off that comeback quickly. Most bullies and trolls are not very creative, so the effect of a witty comeback can be shattering.

Part of the reason that I don't resort to this is, like I said, before I say something, my first thought is about how I'd react to it. I don't take kindly to insults, or even just sarcastic replies unless they're from friends or I can tell they're not out of anger.

MyNameIsKooky wrote: 3. Switch teams and murder their face.

Chances are your poor playing resulted from a stupid mistake, so you could boost your skills back up and switch teams. The person will be very surprised at your Heel-Face Turn as you brutally pwn them. My favorite thing to do is to combine this with 2 for ultimate trolling, which usually results in SUPER WHINING from the person who originally jabbed at you.

Muzozavr wrote:4. Try to dominate the troll in terms of game skill. That takes lots of time and practice, but is by far the most satisfying way. It's also the fastest way to gain respect of others and make the troll lose said respect.
4.5 Try defeating them in humiliating ways whenever possible.

I've never really thought of that before... Going to keep that in mind, it might prove helpful. Thanks guys!

hoomdoom wrote:3. If it gets too bad, go to a different server.

I've considered doing this before, but honestly, it doesn't quite sit right with me. I think that's partially because a lot of people interpret it as ragequitting.

Muzozavr wrote:1. Avoid confrontation with idiots if possible. In case of online gaming, try to find the "nice" servers that always exist. As a general rule, the older the players are, the less likely it is to stumble upon a troll. If you can do so, try to play with friends that you already know.

The thing is, I'm not entirely comfortable in "server surfing" (if you will) to find which ones are good. If I find a good server for multiplayer games, I'm perfectly fine with hanging around on it (There was an L4D2 server I used to hang around a lot because the community was awesome, for instance). Trouble for me comes with finding them, though...

Muzozavr wrote:First of all, let me say this: if your poor play made the team lose, the team is more than justified in chewing you out for that mistake you made. So practice in single player first... or just play an "everyone fights for himself and only for himself" deathmatch game where your loss does not negatively affect others. Then no one can abuse their "justified position" to insult you.

I'm well aware of this, and it's part of the reason I shy away from joining random games. I'm fine with being responsible for my own loss, but I don't like feeling responsible for the team's loss.

Muzozavr wrote:6. If something was genuinely your fault, admit that fault as fast as possible in a way as humorous as possible, clowning your way out of trouble. Try to be genuinely funny and entertaining at this point. Good clowns are rarely attacked.

I've thought of trying this before, but honestly, I don't think I'm very good at sporadic humor. I might not be entirely on the same page as you here, let me know if I'm not.

Muzozavr wrote:7. Lastly, try the philosophical approach that may or may not work -- life is too short for you to waste your time on feeling offended at random idiots -- who are they to rile you up so much, anyway?!

Going to definitely keep this one in mind as well, haven't thought about it before. Thanks.

Muzozavr wrote:

Qloof gets bullied? You seem like a nice, mature person to me.

hoomdoom, it's not that simple. In school, if you don't look ridiculously strong (then bullies don't want to risk it) and if you're at least a little bit unusual (reasons don't matter) someone WILL bully you. It can be just one person in the class, but one bully is already too much. And being way more mature than the rest of the class is one great way to stand out from the crowd...

I don't have to deal with bullies anymore, but yes, I got bullied a lot in school.

What's also important is to help others who are bullied, they should hopefully be thankful, and maybe stick up for you if you get bullied. 'Course it is also a great idea to bring a friend with you to the online game too, as they are there to help and support you.

P.S Of course you love us all, we are your second family.

Quick replies to a few points:

- Yes, sporadic humor is what I meant. I don't know, it just happens to work with me. Even if the joke is not really awesome, I can often make it work with hilariously exaggerated voice intonation.

- About ignoring: the point is to keep ignoring until the whole thing becomes too ludicrous to be offensive and turns into a farce. But then again, it works for me, but it may not work for you... but keep it in mind, it may work.

StinkerSquad01 wrote:What's also important is to help others who are bullied, they should hopefully be thankful, and maybe stick up for you if you get bullied. 'Course it is also a great idea to bring a friend with you to the online game too, as they are there to help and support you.

Yeah, I'm going to keep that in mind. Thanks.

StinkerSquad01 wrote:P.S Of course you love us all, we are your second family.

Pretty much, yeah

Muzozavr wrote:Quick replies to a few points:

- Yes, sporadic humor is what I meant. I don't know, it just happens to work with me. Even if the joke is not really awesome, I can often make it work with hilariously exaggerated voice intonation.

Okay, I see what you mean now. Going to remember that.