The Z-bot Daily - A Newspaper Out of This World

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LittleZbot
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The Z-bot Daily - A Newspaper Out of This World

Post by LittleZbot » Tue Nov 01, 2016 3:03 pm

The best daily newspaper that's actually a monthly newspaper written by a robotic foreign ambassador who can't speak either of the languages he's ambassading to and is named after his speed.

I noticed that, while there are two full newspapers dedicated to the big stuff, nobody ever looks out for the little guys. I'm here for you.

Article 1

With Halloween having just passed, we have a wealth of stories for you today! Upgrading from our usual zero, we now have three full-length boring stories! Joy!

The Case of the Cup

After Halloween last night, Detective Tobz Elttil found himself with one Reese's Peanut Butter Cup short, as one of the packages he received while Trick-or-Treating (which is totally a normal thing to do at the age of 36) only had one cup inside of it. He is currently running inspections at each and every house he visited that night in search of the perpetrator. When questioned about whether he should only search the houses where he received Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, he replied "Balderdash!"

We're still trying to figure out what that means.

-Popoty FakeNameian

A Poor Black Cat

A small black cat was discovered last night by our very own Mr. Hesuckieth! We are currently attempting to decipher his owner, but so far there have been no clues whatsoever except for what appears to be a band around his neck with a bunch of random letters and a street on it. Our local scientist, Mr. Science, is analyzing the chemical components of this band as we speak in hopes of it turning up something. If you own the cat, please come into our headquarters and claim him. Everyone keeps coming into our office and thinking we're witches, which is only partially true.

-Aiden Somebodycares

Utopia

It doesn't exist.

Don't ask me how I know, but let's just say that things got a little crazy last night. Trust me; never drink a bottle that has the words "Drink Me" on it.

- Allison Aborigine


Well, that's all for now! Join us in two weeks or so to read more exciting stories about our village of Poppycock, growing in population every year! Of course, if you want to move in with us, the 71 people here wouldn't mind. Probably.

Does anyone want a cat?


Newspaper funded, owned, and managed by Zippy the Z-bot.
Last edited by LittleZbot on Wed Feb 01, 2017 5:21 am, edited 1 time in total.
To Shorty, who was immortalized in an adventure.
To Marinus, who was my community older brother.
To Janet, who I will remember every time I wear a toque.

May these lost Wonderlanders find true adventure beyond us.
Discord: LittleZbot#3936
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Post by Master Wonder Mage » Tue Nov 01, 2016 5:11 pm

Zippy the Z-bot
heh i remember that
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Timecrokba
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Post by Timecrokba » Tue Nov 01, 2016 7:29 pm

I just realized I forgot Halloween while writing the last article for Worlds Weekly... gosh dang it.

That city sounds nice, I'd love to move in with my thousands of ghosts. Where is it?

No, I have enough cats.

Well, good luck with your biweekly newspaper, Little Z-bot. Make the Z-bots ashamed that you are making a newspaper for stinkers!
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FinnThor
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Another Newspaper company?

Post by FinnThor » Tue Nov 01, 2016 11:26 pm

DELETED.
Last edited by FinnThor on Sat Jul 08, 2017 3:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Cheese!

Cheese Vs Pirates, featuring Finn, Timecrokba, and Yoda!
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LittleZbot
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Re: The Z-bot Daily - A Newspaper Out of This World

Post by LittleZbot » Mon Nov 21, 2016 1:57 am

Article 2

What? Just because it's a Bi-Weekly paper doesn't mean it has to be updated every 14 days!

Also, Zany forgot that there are seven days in a week.

The Stinkolection

As every Stinker knows, electing a mayor in our small village of Poppycock involves the age-old tradition of dueling to the death. Interestingly, we're the only Village in Wonderland to still do it this way! You think others would have more respect for their great elders, who came up with these traditions. Ah, well.

The weapon of choice was wheatgrass, which both our contenders, Donald Duck and Hillary Duff, are allergic to. The duel started out well enough, with Donald quacking jokes in an attempt to make Hillary laugh and accidentally inhale her wheatgrass, but it turned out that he wasn't very funny, and Hillary did not let out so much as a chuckle. We all thought Donald Duck was a goner, until he let loose his brilliant strategy of letting Hillary beat him to death. Maniacally laughing as victory grew ever-so-closer, she managed to not only inhale her wheatgrass, but also her ego. We're not sure which one did her in, but, in any case, a sore, bleeding, but proud Donald Duck won the mayorship by default, which he claimed was his favorite way to win. Will he be a good mayor? I have no idea.

-Zippy the Z-bot

Giving Thanks

Thanksgiving is coming up really fast here, and if that means what I think it means, then aliens aren't far behind. So, before we're all bowing down to our alien overlords, here are the Top Ten Reasons to Love Thanksgiving!

10. NERF WARS

True, you can do this any time, but for some reason they're just way more fun on Thanksgiving. Just try it, and you'll know I speak the truth.

9. Black Friday

Being a shopkeeper myself, I always make sure to pick up lots of stuff on Black Friday, so that I can sell it days later at significantly higher prices. Cheating is fun.

8. Uhh...

I'll be honest. I forgot this one and the next...few. Let's just skip to the next one I remember, okay?

1. The Food

Duh.

-Zwikko the Shopkeeper

Aliens?

Um, Zwikko, aren't you an alien?

-Zany the Traitor

Duh

Uh, yes.

-Zwikko the Shopkeeper

New Job Openings!

Having recently fired pretty much everyone here for no reason at all, I require new slav- uh, I mean, workers. I'll pay less than minimum wage, and, to be honest, I've had my friends fill in in the meantime and they really suck. How does that sound?

-Zippy the Z-bot

*NEW*
Ask Zippy


In which readers send in all their questions about life, love, and pancakes to be answered by the wisest Z-bot to ever live, Zippy the Z-bot! Seeing as this is our first issue with this column, we don't really have any... so, uh, send some in so that we don't have to do this in the next issue!

CATCHA' LATER!

That's my new catchphrase. What do you think?

-Zippy the Z-bot


Newspaper funded, owned, and managed by Zippy the Z-bot.
To Shorty, who was immortalized in an adventure.
To Marinus, who was my community older brother.
To Janet, who I will remember every time I wear a toque.

May these lost Wonderlanders find true adventure beyond us.
Discord: LittleZbot#3936
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Evilgrapez Moosic
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Re: The Z-bot Daily - A Newspaper Out of This World

Post by Evilgrapez Moosic » Mon Nov 21, 2016 9:50 pm

LittleZbot wrote:In which readers send in all their questions about life, love, and pancakes to be answered by the wisest Z-bot to ever live, Zippy the Z-bot! Seeing as this is our first issue with this column, we don't really have any... so, uh, send some in so that we don't have to do this in the next issue
k

hey zippy how do you tie a fly
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LittleZbot
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Re: The Z-bot Daily - A Newspaper Out of This World

Post by LittleZbot » Wed Dec 14, 2016 7:58 pm

Article 3

Continuing the tradition of NOT being a Bi-Weekly paper!


Star Bores: Rogue Fun Review

Rogue Fun is the latest in the old-then-new-then-old-then-new Star Bores franchise. It takes the traditional Star Bores style of not-sucking and does away with it completely, which actually works out quite well. While typical Star Bores movies focus on tense action sequences, great pacing, and charm, this focuses far more on dense fraction sequences, grade-facing, and harm. That's right; it's a movie about high school! Considering High School Musical 2: Revenge of the Stinky Z-bot is my favorite movie, I'm naturally inclined to like it. However, it more than earns my respect, thanks to the thrilling algebra scenes and the twist ending (Spoiler: The Deaf Tsar kills everyone). On a scale of 1-10, Star Bores: Rogue Fun gets a 6X/(6-3) + (-15) + √64 = 12 / 10.

-Zippy the Z-bot

Merry Chrasmist!

Chrasmist is coming up really fast here, and I know plenty of you are struggling to find good present for all your loved and unloved ones! Not to worry- with my handy-dandy shopping guide, you can get anyone the perfect gift!

For the Nerd: http://web2.0calc.com/

Every nerd needs a calculator, and this is one of the best! Sure, it's a little difficult to buy a website, but I'm sure I can make it work. Just send me the full cost and I'll have it delivered to your door! Wait, how am I going-

PRICE: 3.14159265358979... Coins

For the Goth: The Complete My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Collection

Everyone needs some contrast in their life. If you let the goths wear black their whole lives, they'll become even more boring and one-note than they already are! Buy them this, and you can see what kind of Goth they are! Do they burn it or watch it? Nobody knows!

PRICE: 150 Coins

For the Parent: A Plant

It's perfect: either they love it or they love you (it's never both), so you can never go wrong!

PRICE: 15-25 Coins

For the Stalker: A Sledgehammer

Either A) he/she is into you and will just be happy to get a gift at all, B) he/she is a serial killer and will find this quite useful for breaking and entering, or C) he/she is just weird, and weird people like sledgehammers. It's a well-known fact.

PRICE: 40 Coins

For the Caroler: Some Random Christmas Music

They'll like it. I swear.

PRICE: 1-2 Coins per song

For Everyone Else: Earmuffs

Duh.

PRICE: 10 Coins

-Zwikko the Shopkeeper

How to Bake a Mashed Potato

Baked Potatoes are good, and so are Mashed Potatoes, so how can we make it so that these two great tastes taste great together? Actually, it's quite simple! You need:

1 Baked Potato

1 Mashed Potato

3 Tons Tinfoil

1 Copy of The Complete My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Collection

4 Gallons Cold Water

Combine Baked Potato and My Little Pony Collection in a saucepan, and begin to mash rapidly. Turn heat to high while slowly adding water. Let the friendship boil out of the MLP Collection and into the Baked Potato. After it has boiled for three minutes, remove from heat and blend with the mashed potato using a Kitchen Mixer. The power of friendship inside the Baked Potato will force it to combine withe the Mashed Potato. After two hours of mixing, pour into greased 10.8 x 15.6 pan, cover with tinfoil, and bake until hearts begin to rise through the top of the oven. Serve with gingersnaps and milk.

-Zany the Traitor

Ask Zippy

In which readers send in all their questions about life, love, and pancakes to be answered by the wisest Z-bot to ever live, Zippy the Z-bot!
Evilgrapez Moosic wrote:hey zippy how do you tie a fly
Tying flies is surprisingly easy. Catching them is the hard part. I recommend dead animals; they usually attract a good amount, which you can then place inside a jar. Once you have a sufficient amount, cut off all oxygen sources and wait until the flies are dead. Trying to tie living flies in harder than you might imagine. After they have all been killed, roll them flat with a rolling pin and connect them with a hot glue gun. Form three loops, and put the second one under the third, and then the first one over that. Repeat this four times, and then form two loops. Tie these together using the rabbit-hole method, and there you have it - a whole string a tied flies! Dip in honey for safekeeping.

That's all for now! CATCHA' LATER!

-Zippy the Z-bot


Newspaper funded, owned, and managed by Zippy the Z-bot.
To Shorty, who was immortalized in an adventure.
To Marinus, who was my community older brother.
To Janet, who I will remember every time I wear a toque.

May these lost Wonderlanders find true adventure beyond us.
Discord: LittleZbot#3936
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Evilgrapez Moosic
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Post by Evilgrapez Moosic » Wed Jan 04, 2017 12:35 am

this is the greatest thing i have ever read
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Wonderman109
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Post by Wonderman109 » Thu Jan 05, 2017 6:20 pm

Comedy = (Nonsense * Tragedy) ^ Time

This is hilarious.
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LittleZbot
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Re: The Z-bot Daily - A Newspaper Out of This World

Post by LittleZbot » Wed Feb 01, 2017 5:20 am

Article 4

UHHHH

FUN FIRE STORIES

Happy New Year! A month late! See, we were all out on New Year's Day celebrating, when somebody though it'd be a fantastic idea to celebrate by burning down the Z-bot Daily's headquarters. They were right, of course, but it still ruined us. We've spent the last month carefully rebuilding the place, brick by brick, which was made infinitely more difficult after Donald Duck was entered into mayorship and confiscated all bricks in order to start one of his...projects. Smuggling them in was the obvious answer, but do you know how hard it is to get a brick to pass for a wallet or a baby? It's not easy!

In other news, due to the fire, and the fact that, as nobody reads our paper, we have zero funding, The Z-bot Daily will now be a monthly paper, releasing whenever the heck it feels like. Yes, this is the only story for today. But that will change next month! And, if not, then the month after! You'll see!

That's all for now! CATCHA' LATER!

-Zippy the Z-bot


Newspaper funded, owned, and managed by Zippy the Z-bot.
To Shorty, who was immortalized in an adventure.
To Marinus, who was my community older brother.
To Janet, who I will remember every time I wear a toque.

May these lost Wonderlanders find true adventure beyond us.
Discord: LittleZbot#3936
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