Jokes II: No... not my children... never seen them before!

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Robbie
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Jokes II: No... not my children... never seen them before!

Post by Robbie » Tue Feb 01, 2005 2:02 am

No... not my children... never seen them before!

Children are a source of much mirth when it comes to the things they do & say. Those of you who are, or at some point in the past have been, parents, will know this is not a hard & fast rule.

Our own experience has seen the years of about 1 1/2 to 3, 3 1/2 to be trying periods. An age where they have increased mobility combined with an incredible sense of curiosity & exploration. Not a good combination. The trail of devistation left in the wake of Our eldest girl at that age earned her the title Cyclone V (Vani). What would take hours to clean by members of the house could be undone in literally a matter of minutes by the smallest. Our 2nd daughter has learnt well from her big sister & has now taken on the much coveted title Cyclone L (Lusi-Ann). Makes you wonder if the weather service folk are not commiserating each other in naming such weather patterns after their own children...

Coming out of that age, our eldest is growing & developing... & coming up with new ways to both amuse & frustrate. I don't know how she compares speech wise with other kids her own age as she's learning 2 languages, Fijian & English - I know she is more fluent in my wife's language. Some of the things she comes up with just leave me smiling. Before she mastered the phrase, "Daddy, can I whisper something in your ear", it came out something like, "Daddy, can I talk to your ear". Even though she has no speach impediment and she has no problem saying "Yellow", she still says "Hello". Other new & exciting developments include phrases like "that's cool" - something I thought only came out in school. The latest now is, "Daddy, I've got a great idea!"... :roll:


And now the first entry... best if you read this with the light on. 8)

This story takes place a couple of years ago when Vani was just 2.
We were in Sydney at my wife's family's place. Most of us were upstairs cleaning or just relaxing. Tokasa's dad was downstairs in the laundry doing something in the laundry tub with Vani wandering around. He heard the sound of water splashing & a stick banging against the walls. It stopped. And a few minutes later it started again. A few minutes later it stopped. And started again. This went on for sometime and he didn't pay too much attention to it as he was busy.

Before too long he felt a splash on the back of his legs. He turned around and there she was smiling with a mop in hand. "Hey, what do you think you are doing?", dad said. She laughed & continued to 'mop'. Following the trail, she had cleaned all the floor where there wasn't carpet, started up the stairs a little & through the laundry. Another thought struck him and he spoke to her once more, "Vani, where did all this water come from?" (drying his legs). She ran to the bathroom, mop in hand, & dipped it once more in the toilet! :shock: :shock: :shock:


Robbie :D
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Post by lgrapes » Tue Feb 01, 2005 2:49 am

Hi Robbie,

I don't know if we are supposed to write things about children or not, but here you go...

I have not been fortunate enough to have my own (not for lack of trying), but I have several nieces and nephews. We call my niece Hurricane Hannah...She is certainly a pip!!! One day I was in my mother's kitchen and I heard a huge crash!!! We all went running to the den and there she was...Standing on the back of the sofa and smiling. She had this look on her face like "What"...Well she managed to climb up there and pull down a trinket shelf my mother had. You know the ones with 800 little cubby holes for 800 little trinkets. They were every where!

You think she would have learned her lesson! Oh, NO! Not 1/2 hour later...yup another crash. This time it came from the kitchen...we were all in the den cleaning up her first mess. We now go running to the kitchen and there she is holding the table cloth in her hand and yup smiling at us. She was 3 at the time...She is now 6 and learning how to play "T" Ball...God help us all!!!

I hope this thread is for funny kid stories!!! Because I have a million :D

Lori

PS: Andy (my husband) and I are hoping to adopt this year...
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Post by Robbie » Tue Feb 01, 2005 3:40 am

Hi Lori,

I hope they weren't breakables... ouch!

As for the thread - yes, this is just for tales about our kids. All other regular jokes & funny happenings to go in Maureens 'Post jokes here' thread.

Keep 'em coming!

Robbie :D

PS Hope it all goes well for you & Andy 8)
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Post by Lillian » Tue Feb 01, 2005 10:36 am

We have been lucky enough to have two little bug...... I mean two boys. Currently aged 5 and 4. We left it quite late to try for children. We tried for nearly 2 years for our oldest Oliver -then, finally, he came along, and like waiting for a bus, along came another a year later - little Bertie. They are exactly one year apart (bar 5 days). I was pregnant for two years! Still managed to get to football throughout!

My sister wasn't so lucky - I was an egg donor to her 2 years ago - and it worked and she had Daniel (aged 2 now!). Good luck Lori and Andy, I so hope things work out for you!

I have endless mischievious stories about them - so I will just put them under headings, and you can use your imagination!

* Painted the downstairs hall with every colour feltip!
* Emptied about fifty 100 piece jigsaws into one big pile!
* Decided to make dinner themselves!
* Oliver told his new teacher I said she was "a bit old"!!!!!
* Used feltips to make moustaches and nailvarnish - how hard is that to
wash off - 5 minutes before school!
* Dress our poor cat up in knickers and bras on a daily basis!

Many, many more...... But we still love them more than words can say :wink: :wink: :wink:

Lillie
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Post by lgrapes » Tue Feb 01, 2005 11:31 am

Lillian wrote:Used feltips to make moustaches and nailvarnish - how hard is that to wash off - 5 minutes before school!
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Okay, I have another...only this time it is a boy. When my nephew was about 2 or 3 everyone was trying to potty train him...He just did not want to go tinkle (pee-pee) in the toilet. He thought it was "Buh-scus-ting". Well, we had an enormous picnic/family party. You know the type, where relatives that you never see are there...anyway, we are all standing there and I look over and OMG...there he is the Apple of everyones eye, the first born and only nephew, the "Prince" of the family...

Standing on the raised deck, pants off, diaper off peeing over the side. I thought my sister in-law was going to faint. My husband, and brother, of course, laughed so hard that every one turned around, and I mean everyone.

He is now 15 and has advanced past "buh-scus-ting" to be a gifted child and his Aunt Lori loves to embarass him with funny stories from when he was little.

PS: Thank You Lillie. It has been a long battle for over 10 years...
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Post by Lillian » Tue Feb 01, 2005 11:37 am

"Buh-scus-ting" - how funny - I love that!

Reminds me of AMiNals, upDairs and to sit on the Dofa. And my favourite "can I put a Wideo on please?"

Lillie
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Post by lgrapes » Tue Feb 01, 2005 11:46 am

I know...kids are the most perfectly innocently honest people on earth :D

The stuff that they come up with...

A few months ago we were at my mother's house and here she comes...my mother and I were sitting in her den and reading...Hannah comes in and turns the television on. The picture was messed up, only half of the picture came on. So my mother asked her what did you do? Hannah just looks at her with this indignant look. So I asked her, "Which button did you touch honey?" This little booger walks over to the television and she says, "I pushed this one...you know the one that says ON." I was shocked at how a little 6 year old could make you feel like a complete doof. Now mind you she said this with the sole purpose of being sarcastic.

She was insulted that I asked her that question because every one knows that when you touch ON the television people wake up!

:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Post by popo » Tue Feb 01, 2005 11:47 am

When my husband's brother was small, he had a skateboarding accident and broke both arms. :shock:

At the hospital, the doctor said to his mother, "We will have to manipulate the bones to get them back in place, but don't worry, we will put him to sleep first".

To which he replied, in tears, "Don't let them put me down, mum. I'll get better".

Aaahh! :(
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Post by Lillian » Tue Feb 01, 2005 2:14 pm

My little nutters!!!!! Butter wouldn't melt...........
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Post by Gen » Tue Feb 01, 2005 7:41 pm

Really cute boys, Lillian! I know you are proud of them and the guy holding them! :D

Words of Wisdom:

I love your freckles. When I was a little girl I always wanted freckles, she said, while tracing her finger across the child's cheek. "Freckles are beautiful!"

The boy looked up, "Really?"

"Of course," said the grandmother. "Why, just name me one thing that's prettier than freckles."

The little boy thought for a moment, peered intensely into his grandma's face, and softly whispered, "Wrinkles."

~~~~~

A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods."

The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

~~~~~

When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied "I'm not sure."

"Look in your underwear, Grandma," he advised. "Mine says I'm four"

~~~~~

A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was.

Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off thy neighbor's wife."

~~~~~

A second grader came home from school and said to her mother "Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies today."

The mother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool.

"That's interesting," she said, "How do you make babies?"

"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change "y" to "i" and add "es." (Why wouldn't an English teacher love that one???)

~~~~~

"Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant."

The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked.

"Sure," said the young boy confidently. "It means carrying a child."

~~~~~

A grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one morning. He had made her coffee. She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom, there were three of those little green army men in the cup.

She said "Honey, what are these army men doing in my coffee?"

Her grandson said, "Grandma, it says on TV, "The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!"

~~~~~

A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties.

"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.

"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."

A third child brought the argument to a close....

"They use the dogs", she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."
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Post by Robbie » Wed Feb 02, 2005 1:31 am

.... :oops:

Great tales girls - and best of all they're all true!
Hope your cat's been responding to the therapy Lillie :wink:

Here's our little nippers.
L, V, with cousin, L & V wearing their silly crowns...

Owing to our mixed marriage (rather than my good looks :wink: ), our girls are naturally pretty but it didn't stop a Cambodian mate of mine coming up to me in our local grocery store, taking a bo-peep at our new born Vani, slapping me on the back & saying, "Oh, very pretty Robbie. You good baby maker" :shock: :shock:
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Post by lgrapes » Wed Feb 02, 2005 1:38 am

Wow...Very beautiful kids Robbie. You are a very lucky couple!! :D

Lori
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Post by ann3120 » Thu Feb 03, 2005 2:37 pm

Here's a kid joke that's sort of cute:

I was out walking with my then 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I asked her not to do that.
"Why?" she said. "Because it's been laying outside and it is dirty and probably has germs." I said.

At this point, she looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?"
Uh," I was thinking quickly, "...all moms know this stuff. Um, it's on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy."

We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information.

"OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you flunk, you have to be the Daddy."

......out of the mouths of babes


My daughter sent this one to me - it's not my granddaughter in the story, but it easily could have been. They are so innocent and so funny.
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Post by the cat » Sat Feb 05, 2005 4:51 am

Your girls have wonderful smiles (that means they good hearted )My grandmum told me to have children with good smiles. they would always make me happy. :lol: :wink: I did and they did (all 7 of them) wonderful thread.
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Post by lgrapes » Sat Feb 05, 2005 2:04 pm

I have a cute one...it is my neighbors son...

He is five now but a few years ago when he was 2 her husbband had gone away on a trip and she decided to redo the entire kitchen in 4 days. We all helped her out...We painted, striped, varnished, new faucet, etc...

When her husband came home she led him into the kitchen and to his surprise an updated kitchen!

As he stood there in shock he looked at her and said "OMG, what did you do...what is this?" Her son with all of the innocence of a child looked him dead in the eye with concern and said in a whisper..."It's the kitchen daddy"...

It was so cute...She actually keeps a book of all his funny things and this is one of them.
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pictures of some funny kids

Post by Cat » Sun Feb 06, 2005 12:56 am

My kids are grown and moved out of the home! :D
But I found some pictures of funny kids!

Cat
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more funny kids

Post by Cat » Sun Feb 06, 2005 12:58 am

Enjoy! :D :) 8) :roll:
Cat
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Post by the cat » Sun Feb 06, 2005 6:00 am

Hay Cat those are great pictures, My kids are all goneToo
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What Does Love Mean?

Post by Cat » Tue Mar 08, 2005 2:56 pm

Cute saying from Kids on what loves means, The Cat sent this to me, Thanks The Cat

What Does Love Mean?

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4
to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?"

The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have
imagined. See what you think:

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint
her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time,
even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." Rebecca- age 8

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth." Billy-age 4

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving
cologne and they go out and smell each other." Karl - age 5

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French
fries without making them give you any of theirs."Chrissy-age 6

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." Terri - age 4

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip
before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK." Danny -age 7

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing,
you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are
like that.They look gross when they kiss." Emily - age 8

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop
opening presents and listen." Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a
friend who you hate." Nikka - age 6 (we need a few million
more Nikka's on this planet)

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it
everyday." Noelle - age 7

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still
friends even after they know each other so well." Tommy - age 6

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I
looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and
smiling.He was the only one doing that.I wasn't scared anymore.
"Cindy - age 8

"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else
kissing me to sleep at night." Clare - age 6

"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."Elaine-age 5

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says
he is handsomer than Robert Redford." Chris - age 7

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him
alone all day." Mary - age 4

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old
clothes and has to go out and buy new ones." Lauren - age 4

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little
stars come out of you." (what an imagination) Karen - age 7

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if
you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."Jessica - age 8

And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked
about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest
was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four year old
child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had
recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy
went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just
sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor,
the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry."

When there is nothing left but God, that is when you find out that
God is all you need. Take 60 seconds and give this a shot! All you
do is simply say the following small prayer for the person who sent
you this.

Father, God bless all my friends in whatever it is that You know
they may be needing this day! And may their life be full of your
peace, prosperity and power as he/she seeks to have a closer
relationship with you. Amen.

There is no better time than right now to be happy. Happiness is a
journey, not a destination. So work like you don't need money, love
like you've never been hurt, and dance like no one watching!
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Post by the cat » Tue Mar 08, 2005 3:18 pm

your very welcome, I'll send you more, when i can.
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