Yep! Definitely feeling better. I even found this:
45 year-old Amy Brasher was arrested in San Antonio, Texas, after a mechanic reported to police that 18 packages of marijuana were packed in the engine compartment of the car which she had brought to the mechanic for an oil change. According to police, Brasher later said that she didn't realise that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to change the oil.
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Police in New York City in March charged salesman 32 year-old Joel Levy with assault. Accoring to police, Levy's live-in girlfriend arrived home unexpectedly after Levy called over a callgirl. Levy improvised the plan to intercept Brandy, the callgirl, in the building's lobby, have sex, and then run back upstairs before arousing suspicion in his girlfriend. When he saw a good-looking woman in the lobby, Levy thought it was Brandy, nudged her into the left, and pawed and fondled her while displaying a $50 bill saying "You know you want it, you know you'll do anything for it." The woman was not Brandy, but an assistant district attorney from Brooklyn.
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Portsmouth, R.I. Police charged Gregory Rosa, 25, with a string of vending machine robberies in January when he (1) fled from police inexplicably when they spotted him loitering around a vending machine and (2) later tried to post his $400 bail in coins !
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Karen Lee Joachimmi, 20, was arrested in Lake City, Florida for robbery of a Howard Johnson's motel. She was armed with only an electric chain saw, which was not plugged in.
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The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 7:50am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
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David Posman, 33, was arrested recently in Providence, R.I, after allegedly knocking out an armored car driver and stealing the closest four bags of money. It turned out they contained $800 in pennies, weighed 30 pounds each, and slowed him to a stagger during his getaway so that police officers easily jumped him from behind.
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The Belgium news agency Belga reported in November that a man suspected of robbing a jewelry store in Liege said he couldn't have done it because he was busy breaking into a school at the same time. Police then arrested him for breaking into the school.
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Drug-possession defendant Christopher Johns, on trial in March in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher's jacket could have been a gun. Nonsense, said Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in court. He handed it over so the judge could see it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five-minute recess to compose himself.
Mette
How stupid can you be?
How stupid can you be?
\Mette
Thanks to Kymmie.-
freightrain
- Silver Wonderlander
- Posts: 39
- Joined: Thu Feb 05, 2004 12:52 am
Here are some stupid criminal stories and one story I couldn't pass up sharing (found in The Darwin Awards:
Award winner: Wrong time, Wrong place:
Renton, Washington
The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree appeared to be the robber's first, due to his lack of a previous record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices:
1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms. A gun shop.
2. The shop was full of customers - firearms customers.
3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door.
4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having coffee before work.
Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a holdup, and fired a few wild shots. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, covered by several customers who also drew their guns, thereby removing the confused criminal from the gene pool.
No one else was hurt.
_____________________________________________________________
Honorable mention: Armed and Dangerous?
20 March 2000, Niedersachsen, Germany
When the masked man stormed into the Volksbank and demanded money, the teller complied. Like a child demanding candy, the robber held his bag open with both hands and waited for the cash. Now any fool knows you can't hold a heavy bag of money and a gun at the same time, so he put the weapon away for a moment. The teller seized his chance and seized the gun, and suddenly the tables had turned. The confused robber raised his arm and, forgetting that his gun was missing, menaced the teller with his index finger. When the robber realized that his situation was not as strong as he had anticipated, he fled the bank on an old bike with pink protection sheet metal. The police are hunting for the man, but they have to take care. He his armed -- with his forefinger.
_____________________________________________________________
Award winner: Airbag Weapons
April 1999, South Africa
In South Africa, car-jacking has become popular in recent years. The South African law has lenient provisions for self defence, and allows "lethal action" if someone's personal property is in danger. Citizens are inventive in creating martial security systems for their cars. Poison gas, acid showers, flamethrowers and automatic gunfire are not unknown.
One such security system relied upon an airbag installed in the car roof. If a driver sat down without disabling the mechanism, the airbag would inflate and hit the victim atop his head
with a force strong enough to render him unconscious.
And that is exactly what happened to Pieter Niewoudt, who, armed with a pistol, attempted to steal this vehicle. When the airbag exploded, he thought that someone was shooting at him, and he instinctively fired the pistol twice. Unfortunately for him, his gun was still in his pocket at the time.
One bullet hit his knee, and the other lodged in the base of his man area. The consequences of his injuries may include sterility, making him a contender for the 1999 Darwin Award.
_____________________________________________________________
Honorable Mention: Revenge of the GOPHER
3 April 1995, California
Anyone who has watched the movie Caddyshack will have a good idea of the resilience of gophers. In the spring of 1995, three employees of the Carroll Fowler Elementary School in Ceres received a gopher in good condition. Their subsequent actions show that they were unfamiliar with the movie, and the vengeful nature of gophers.
One janitor and two maintenance men took the gopher into a small janitorial closet and apparently decided to kill it. No other reason for spraying cleaning solvent on the gopher seems plausible.
The solvent was designed to remove gum from surfaces. It freezes the surface gum and makes it easier to scrape it up. Elementary schools have an unsurprising need for such solvents. But the gopher was stronger than the gum. Three cans later, it was still alive and kicking.
They paused for thought, and the janitor, who was most badly injured, attempted to light a cigarette in the fume-filled room. The subsequent explosion injured the three men, and sixteen children were treated for scraped knees.
In the aftermath of the explosion, the persecuted gopher was discovered unharmed and clinging to a wall. He was released back into the wild, where he is expected to enjoy years of free drinks in gopher pubs as he tells the story of his brush with death.
Award winner: Wrong time, Wrong place:
Renton, Washington
The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree appeared to be the robber's first, due to his lack of a previous record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices:
1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms. A gun shop.
2. The shop was full of customers - firearms customers.
3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door.
4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having coffee before work.
Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a holdup, and fired a few wild shots. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, covered by several customers who also drew their guns, thereby removing the confused criminal from the gene pool.
No one else was hurt.
_____________________________________________________________
Honorable mention: Armed and Dangerous?
20 March 2000, Niedersachsen, Germany
When the masked man stormed into the Volksbank and demanded money, the teller complied. Like a child demanding candy, the robber held his bag open with both hands and waited for the cash. Now any fool knows you can't hold a heavy bag of money and a gun at the same time, so he put the weapon away for a moment. The teller seized his chance and seized the gun, and suddenly the tables had turned. The confused robber raised his arm and, forgetting that his gun was missing, menaced the teller with his index finger. When the robber realized that his situation was not as strong as he had anticipated, he fled the bank on an old bike with pink protection sheet metal. The police are hunting for the man, but they have to take care. He his armed -- with his forefinger.
_____________________________________________________________
Award winner: Airbag Weapons
April 1999, South Africa
In South Africa, car-jacking has become popular in recent years. The South African law has lenient provisions for self defence, and allows "lethal action" if someone's personal property is in danger. Citizens are inventive in creating martial security systems for their cars. Poison gas, acid showers, flamethrowers and automatic gunfire are not unknown.
One such security system relied upon an airbag installed in the car roof. If a driver sat down without disabling the mechanism, the airbag would inflate and hit the victim atop his head
with a force strong enough to render him unconscious.
And that is exactly what happened to Pieter Niewoudt, who, armed with a pistol, attempted to steal this vehicle. When the airbag exploded, he thought that someone was shooting at him, and he instinctively fired the pistol twice. Unfortunately for him, his gun was still in his pocket at the time.
One bullet hit his knee, and the other lodged in the base of his man area. The consequences of his injuries may include sterility, making him a contender for the 1999 Darwin Award.
_____________________________________________________________
Honorable Mention: Revenge of the GOPHER
3 April 1995, California
Anyone who has watched the movie Caddyshack will have a good idea of the resilience of gophers. In the spring of 1995, three employees of the Carroll Fowler Elementary School in Ceres received a gopher in good condition. Their subsequent actions show that they were unfamiliar with the movie, and the vengeful nature of gophers.
One janitor and two maintenance men took the gopher into a small janitorial closet and apparently decided to kill it. No other reason for spraying cleaning solvent on the gopher seems plausible.
The solvent was designed to remove gum from surfaces. It freezes the surface gum and makes it easier to scrape it up. Elementary schools have an unsurprising need for such solvents. But the gopher was stronger than the gum. Three cans later, it was still alive and kicking.
They paused for thought, and the janitor, who was most badly injured, attempted to light a cigarette in the fume-filled room. The subsequent explosion injured the three men, and sixteen children were treated for scraped knees.
In the aftermath of the explosion, the persecuted gopher was discovered unharmed and clinging to a wall. He was released back into the wild, where he is expected to enjoy years of free drinks in gopher pubs as he tells the story of his brush with death.
Crown prince of the Idjits. -Freightrain
